Patterns and Ripples
You keep ending up in the same place. That’s not bad luck. That’s a pattern you haven’t seen yet.
I’ve been catching myself lately.
Not after.
Not during the damage.
Right before.
That split second where the thing is about to happen and I can feel it coming.
I’ve written before; that gap, between trigger and response, is everything.
It took me most of my life to find it.
Here’s the thing about patterns.
I didn’t even have the concept until maybe the last ten years.
Patterns of thinking.
Patterns of behavior.
The idea that you keep doing the same shit over and over and it keeps producing the same result, and you somehow keep being surprised by that.
Didn’t have it.
What I did have, since I was a little kid, were ripples.
You already know how ripples work.
Something hits the water.
The water responds.
That response moves outward.
And depending on how big the thing was that hit, a pebble or a boulder, the ripple is small and quick or massive and far-reaching.
That’s it.
That’s the whole model.
When I was a kid and my father was about to get mad about something I’d done, I was already calculating.
How big is this ripple going to be?
Is this small?
Or is this the kind that knocks everything over?
Because the larger the ripple, the more it impacts.
Way beyond you.
Way beyond the moment.
I was doing ‘ripple’ math before I knew what math was.
What I couldn’t do then was connect the ripple back to the pattern.
That came later.
Once I started seeing my own patterns, really seeing them, I could start mapping them to their ripple size.
I knew what a certain behavior was going to cost.
Not in theory.
In lived reference points.
A personal scale built from experience.
That scale is useful as hell.
You look at a situation and go, “Okay.”
If this goes sideways, it’s going to be that kind of bad.
I’ve been there.
I know what that looks like.
That’s not pessimism.
That’s being informed.
Here’s the question that tells me everything about where someone is.
How the fuck did I end up here again?
If you’re saying that, and I mean really saying it, I’m surprised you don’t have the pattern yet.
You’re not seeing it.
You’re living inside it, but you can’t see the shape of it from there.
And I get it. I’ve been that person.
The way out is to walk it backward.
Trace it.
Go from the outcome all the way back to the root.
Sometimes it’s simple.
Sometimes it goes somewhere deep and uncomfortable, and you have to be willing to go there.
You have to want it.
Thinking about changing your life does nothing. Taking action changes your life. That’s the whole sentence.
I still fall off the bike.
I want to be clear about that.
I’m human.
The patterns still show up.
Triggers still kick in.
But here’s the difference; I’m aware.
So it either stops before it gets out, or it gets caught fast.
I’ve even had friends call me out.
And I welcome that.
Genuinely.
Because someone naming the thing helps me lock in the definition of it.
Which leads to something I think matters.
When you’re trying to identify what you’re feeling or what’s happening inside you, don’t just try to name what it is.
Name what it isn’t.
Process of elimination.
Attack it from the other side.
Because sometimes all you can say is,
“I’m swimming in a hot soup of mess, and I don’t know what this is.”
That’s a real place to be. And you can still work with it. Start crossing things off.
Catalog your ripples.
Small to large.
They’re your reference points. Your internal navigation system. Hard-won and specific to you.
Nobody else has your scale.
But you do.
Until next time…
Be well.
Bert.